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Monday, July 9, 2012

Top Ten Things You Need to Know to Stay in the Know!

So were a couple days late. Sue us. Okay, no. Really don't sue us. Just enjoy what we have to share with you!

10. The bottled blonde dead man-stealer??? So evidently rumors of Jochin's death were greatly exaggerated because the moron has been spotted hanging around the Inn once again. Yeah, yeah. We know. There are more than a couple of women in RhyDin who were only upset about the news of his demise because they weren't the ones to end his life to begin with. Well, ladies, you still have your chance to get your revenge! Or key his car! Whichever! Aaaaand to make matters worse, he wasn't hanging out with longtime girlfriend, Harper, when our sources spotted him. Instead, he was supposedly seen with our dear Barbie's harasser and FAKE BLONDE bombshell (sorry, Barbie, she sort of is hot), Duci. The pair were seen leaving the Inn together in the VERY early morning hours. Really, I couldn't think of a pair more suited for one another.


9. Aaaand your first Hydra Cup Update! With the Hydra Cup just gearing up, dueling analysts and reporters are curious to find how the point system will function and which team will learn to work it best. So far, Beat Down is in the lead due, almost solely, to Seirichi. She may be obnoxious but the girl's a SWAGGER BEAST! Forces of Nature is coming in second and also has the most active duelists. There's no real team standout. Just some solid dueling across the board. The Crew is sitting in third at the moment and as is typical of the Crew, only two members have shown any activity -- Fio and Tical. Tical, in particular, was awfully hot this weekend. Great of Strength is in fourth and that's entirely due to Xanth since none of his other teammates have bothered to duel. From now on we shall call this team Team Xanth. And what's sad? Even if Team Xanth hadn't even bothered to show, they'd still be faring better than CrushBob who, with the exception of Tass, are dueling pretty dismally across the board. But don't look so sad CrushBob fans! There's still plenty of time for them to turn things around. Maybe Goon will come back and right this sinking ship!

8. Protip #299: Don't Piss Off the Half-Orc. While there were several challenges this past week, the one that everyone and their brother had circled on their calendar was the match between half-orc and Red Orc Brewery owner (the orc behind Badsider beer), Jake Thrash, and indisputable town idiot, Harris. Harris wasn't just content to mock the orc on the Outback's corkboard by calling him a 'cowardly gelded half-orc'. He took the trash talk a step further and was rumored to be the person behind the slashing of Jake's diamond portrait hanging in the Outback. If all of that wasn't bad enough, we hear that SOMEBODY drilled holes in every keg of Badsider in the building and let it drain dry. The smell alone must have been enough to get you drunk! Well, Jake let his fists do the talking. He beat Harris 5-1 in the first duel and 5-4 in the second and, thus, secured the right to hang onto Pathfinder.

7. Not even sunscreen will help you avoid this burn! Don't forget! Bonfire Brawl Night is being hosted in the Market Place Square this coming Wednesday night by the truly nutty Baroness of Old Market and current Firestar holder, Candy. The only good thing I can say is that at least they're abandoning the Outback for the night so we won't have to listen to 'burning down the Outback AGAIN' jokes all night. The festivities start at 9 and food and drinks will be provided! It's a great opportunity to see your favorite dueling stars and purchase foam fingers and knock off Hydra Cup team gear from the street vendors that you know will be their in droves. Have a blast! Drink some free booze! Maybe even get into a fight! Try to avoid getting burned!

6. Bring on the Barons and their Cookie-Loving Overlord! The first Government Advisory Council of Fio's second term will be held Monday, July 9, at 9 pm in the Great Hall! This will be the first meeting for new members like Audrey as well as the entire collection of barons and Chris Graziano. Political watchers are curious to see if the Crew (who has never really showed much interest in politics until bringing Fio into the fold) will make a strong showing or not. Also of note, Matt will continue to hold his citizen seat while his squire will sit in his Baronial seat. We're curious to see how much free reign Matt gives her or if she'll merely be there to support his positions! The meeting is open to the public so come on out! If nothing else, you'll get to see my handsome mug!

5. The babes of RhyDin never fail to bring the HAWT! We're hearing a lot of buzz about a gorgeous beauty named Lita that's been spending time in the Inn lately. In fact, our sources believe she's actually staying at the Inn currently. Of course this one has already been swept up by another new face in a guy named Cove. We have little details about the pair but one of our sources is reporting back an interesting scene from late one night this past week. It seems that Lita was hanging out with Cove and several of his guy buddies, including Mist and Tasriq, when Tasriq made some crack about Lita and sex. Evidently Lita was deeply offended but her new man kept right on laughing. This new relationship doesn't seem very long lived. This Cove guy seems way more interested in his bromances than the fact that he's dating a KNOCK OUT of a girl!

4. Sleeping her way straight to the top! It's common knowledge, of course, that G'nort's a moron. He's good at getting women, but not so good at keeping them. Aaaaand here's exactly why. Evidently his former model-girlfriend (and is there anyone out there who is surprised that G'nort is dating a model??? We didn't think so.) is interested in breaking back into the business so G'nort was overheard putting in a good word for her with Mrs. RhyDin Fashionista herself, Koy. Weeeell, it seems that Mercedes was none to pleased that G'nort was using his business and personal influence to get his girlfriend a job. Not that we think Koy would bite. Mercedes is more the type to be spotted in some men's magazine in that classic over the shoulder pose in a barely there bikini bottom while holding her boobs. High fashion runway model? We think not. Rumor has it that she left a goodbye note with her "platonic buddy" Cor to give to G'nort to let him know she was taking off on a business trip. Could we finally be seeing the cracks in the foundation of this relationship???

3. My girlfriend's back and we're gonna be in trouble! Katt's alive. Evidently. Sometimes, RhyDin, you blow our minds. Nobody really dies in this town. You can see their throat cut in the alley one night and a week later they're drinking booze and rubbing elbows with all the pretty ladies at the bar. So we suppose that we shouldn't be shocked by this latest return from the crypt case. Hoooowever, this death was awfully public and mourned by many. Rumor has it that news of her aliveness (it is a word now so SHUT UP) is just now starting to spread. No word yet, though, if Sergei has any idea. Particularly since he's been overheard mentioning that he's had a couple dates with Jet. We're quite curious to see if that's REALLY Katt and how this all unfolds. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY will Bon Bon Boutique be restored to its former glory???

2. A little inappropriate for the morning hour but still all sorts of fun! Ever heard of KLIT 900 AM? We hadn't until this past Thursday! But about 7:50 when the interns and I were fast asleep all snug in our beds, the news came in that KLIT was hyping up a new morning talk show. And after hearing who was hosting that new talk show we all we're up in spite of the UNGODLY hour! Whoooo do you ask can get Marc Franco out of bed before noon? Harris and Seirichi!!! Gone is the written version of Ringside Rewind and in its place is a weekday talk show from 8 until 10 featuring the pair of frenemies talking dueling, life, and pretty much everything in between. The town is totally buzzing with it! And, for the record, I am no longer the hardest working man in show business. I've been dethroned by the poor sucker who has the job of bleeping out every foul thing that comes out of Seirichi's mouth! That being said these two miss getting the number one spot on the Top Ten Things despite this new wildly successful radio show for LOSING THREE CHALLENGES IN THREE DAYS BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM! For Pete's sake, COME ON!

1. Is the elf getting a little big for his britches? There are leaks close to Locke and the Highlife Haberdashery gang that he will be opening a new store in the foreseeable future! This news hasn't even broken the fashion circles but straight from our ears to your inquiring minds, dear readers! Highlife Haberdashery has always been high end but has catered to RhyDin's upscale businessmen -- suits, ties, dress shirts. However, we're hearing that Locke wants to this new line to be equally trendy but more casual. Think expensive jeans, graphic t-shirts, leather jackets. ALSO, for years there's been a call for him to branch out of menswear to clothe more women than just his lovely wife and, if our source is on the money, Locke might just be ready to step on Koy's toes! We can't wait to see this play out!



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